I always thought the primary function of drinking tea was to avoid alcoholism.
For the record, the end times are subtle. You’ll just have to trust me when I tell you the world is over and you just can’t tell without an electron microscope and a degree in Klingon history, which I am told they offer in California. Which, by the by, makes it slightly more likely that Arnold Schwarzenegger speaks Klingon.
Tea, however, baffles me.
I obviously need some help here, as I have a laundry list of technical questions about the preparation of the substance from prefabricated bags of leaves. You’d think that’d be a pretty simple task for a software engineer, but to be honest I’m not getting a lot of sleep and wouldn’t be surprised if my intelligence quotient was slipping into the double digits as of late.
My first problem is with order of operations. It seems to me that it would be far more time-efficient to simply add the steaming water to a cup containing sugar, milk, and the bag. But in all classical representations of this ritual, one must wait until the tea is steeped to add sugar and milk, though the local coffee shop seems to be okay with the approach of leaving the tea bag in after the other ingredients are added. It seems to me that the sugar might dissolve into the milk and thus not be properly distributed in the tea proper in my scenario. I just don’t know. I’m not a mad chemist, chuckling and cackling to myself as I recklessly mix chemicals in a beaker until it blows my face comedically off.
Another issue I have is with bag positioning. For the purposes of this discussion we will assume no milk or sugar, mostly to keep my head from exploding. It seems to me that the optimal depth for the tea bag during the steeping phase is as close to the bottom of the mug as possible. At home this is easily accomplished by placing a spoon in such a way as to hold it down. Also, pouring the hot water over the awaiting tea bag also seems to negatively affect its buoyancy. At work, however, there is no spoon, nor does the pour-over method sufficiently reduce buoyancy to keep my leaves from clawing their way to the atmosphere, where their exposure to oxygen inhibits the strengthening of my tea. I have plastic stir sticks on hand, and have attempted several revisions of systems involving them to try and keep the tea in the cup while it is being made. As yet, I have been unsuccessful.
Perhaps mere submersion of the bag is all that is necessary, but understand that I am looking to make some strong-assed tea here and thus am striving for an Olympic level of technique. This is mostly due to the fact that the substance as I prepare it now doesn’t seem to compensate for the fact that I’m never allowed more than three consecutive hours of sleep anymore. That is the primary function of this beverage, is it not?
Ja.