For the record, jelly is my favorite kind of bean. Kidney, lima, coffee, and Mr. got nothin’ on the confectionary stuff. This makes them a powerful motivator, and for the first two months of this year I was using candy as a reward system for writing every day. Eventually this positive inversion of vice was thwarted by the left jab of job hunting followed by the right hook of exams. But now that these two things are pretty much complete, Easter arrives just in time to provide me with an inexhaustible supply of things that are both exceeding pleasant to consume, and exceedingly poor for my health. Will that turn into more regular posts? Perhaps some actual content on my blog? The definitive answer is, we’ll see.
Back to the topic at hand. Now that we’ve established the form of the superior bean, let us discuss brand. In recent years I have relied on the offerings presented by Jelly Belly to sate my nutritional requirement for gooey sucrose wrapped in a slightly less-gooey sucrose shell. I find the variety of flavors they pack in a typical quantum of candy to be quite engaging. But my heart really lies in the Starburst jelly bean. They required just the right amount of masticative pressure to convert them from hard candy into explosively flavorful chewy candy. Their simple, elemental flavors worked well in combination as well, a phenomenon known as the Skittles effect.
Trouble is, they seem to have gone extinct. I can’t find them anywhere. Apparently they were renamed Joosters and then discontinued (a logical progression.) They were subsequently reactivated under the original title of Starburst Original Jelly Beans, but just not in my country. This might have turned into an election issue if the polls didn’t close tonight.
So if you have any idea where I can get my hands on this most favorite of confections, keep it to yourself. Take that shit to your grave. My already thoroughly-abused body thanks you.
Oh, and another thing: I have an English degree now. More accurately, I have all the academic credits required to buy one. So I’m now actually qualified to be here. Just putting that out there.
Ja.